How To Heal And Re-parent Your Inner chil
The Emotion Code by Dr Bradley Nelson
Your Inner child is the echo of the child you once were. We each have our own history and we have all been influenced by our environment, events and the significant people around us. Our inner child has stored those memories, and their impact upon us.
Up to the age of six years, our brain was functioning at a relative slow pace – The Theta brainwave frequency of 4-7 cycles per second – which is very ‘receptive’ brainwave state, and we would have been profoundly affected by our experiences.
We will have made ‘decision’ at a sub-conscious level, about how we ‘should’ be and what we ‘should’do in order to be seen as OK, and to be allowed to stay around and to ‘survive’ in our families.
Our later experiences will have reinforced these beliefs and formed our own ‘script’ for our our life ‘should’ be. We carry these immature scripts and decisions with us into adulthood – when they run our lives more than 90% of the time.
It therefore makes sense that we should revisit the experiences of the child we once were, and to find out what our own script says about our life and the unfolding drama we have been re-creating and repeating.
Not doing so will result in our playing out of the same unexamined script and drama over and over again.
We cannot change the script by talking about it, or by conscious effort alone. It was designed to keep us safe – albeit in ways that now hinder us – and so it isn’t given up that easily!
We may try to silence these deeper longs with alcohol or drugs, by promiscuity, gambling, over-spending, over-eating, work-a-holism, self-harming and other ways of avoid the real and deeper needs we have. Needs which we haven’t allowed ourselves to become fully aware of, or to find a way to have sufficiently met.
We have all been influenced by our environments since the time we were in our mother’s womb.
The sounds around us, our mother’s stress levels, the abundance or deficit of the ‘feel-good’ hormones and neuro-peptides, our nourishment or lack of it, complications. twin pregnancies, drugs, alcohol, and infections will all have played their part in how safe we felt even before we were born.
Then the actual birth experience, and our early infant care, and the ’emotional availability’ of our mother will have either reinforced or soothed the impact of those first pre-natal influences.
As small children we will have been absorbing a great deal from our extended families, our caregiver(s), friends, pre-school and early school years, and religious institutions.
We may not have had words for these experiences but they will have been ‘logged’ in our sub-conscious minds and bodies.
This all creates the pool in which we float, or sink. Inevitably, the water will be a bit dirty-or it may even be like thick mud.
In this pool resides our self-esteem, body-image, family trauma, shame and secrets (even if not spoken about – as if they affect the quality of the care our caregivers are able to show to us.).
We will sink down into this pool, or mud, whenever we are overwhelmed by our negative thoughts, emotions, self-doubt or self-loathing.
What can we do to help our wounded Inner Child?
We can learn how to meet, rescue and ‘adopt’ this wounded child who still lives deep inside us. After all, you are the only person who you can guarantee never to leave you!
We can then emotionally contain and soothe our Inner Child, and allow the Competent Adult inside us to ‘attend to business’ out in the world.
However, we must regularly keep in touch with what our Inner Child still needs from us -which is to be truly cared for by someone who wants the very best for them – that’s you!
If you have a photograph of yourself as a small child, this will help you to empathically reconnect with him/her – the aim of which is to now understand their plight and to show them/yourself the compassion which has been missing.
It is often easier to feel compassion for other people than it is for yourself and you may have been rejection and ignoring the yearning of your Inner Child – who has been calling out to you, over many years, for your interest, attention, compassion and love.
Rescuing and re-parenting your Inner Child will allow you to ‘fill in the gaps’ and enable you to live a more positive and rewarding life – with fun, laughter, spontaneity, authenticity, and most importantly, with love.
- Remind yourself how special and wonderful you were as a child
- Have a safe place that you can bring to mind where you and your inner child can meet and play together
- When you speak kindly to your inner child each day, have a loving and soothing inner voice – one that is supportive, soft, nurturing, patient and comforting
- Tell her/him she is now loved, valued, and appreciated by you.
- Be sure to tell your inner little girl that she doesn’t have to prove herself to anyone
- She has nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about. None of what happened to her was ever her fault. She didn’t deserve to be treated badly.
- She was just in the wrong place and had no means of escape – but she is now free at last!
- There is nothing wrong with her/him. Tell them how proud you are of them
- She needs to feel respected. Don’t tolerate disrespect ever again.
- Tell her that you will be her guardian, champion and protector from now on. Things will be OK and you will never let her come to any more harm.
- She never gain fear being alone because you are always there for her now.
- Apologize for not being aware of her pain and needs in the past, and of pushing her too hard sometimes to try and impress others.
- Assure her that you will only allow safe, trustworthy and respectful people into your/her world now. Notice loving mothers who are caring for their babies and absorb that loving energy between a mother and a child
- Reassure her that you will be alongside her either to speak up on her behalf, or to support her when she speaks up
- Agree upon a symbol of her freedom …. something for her to summon up whenever she feels the need to escape and be along with her thoughts. This might be imagine a ladder, a floating bubble, a sci-fi teleporter, a hot air balloon …. anything that comes to mind that you/she can associate with release and freedom.
Please remember that your inner child is a real part of your sub-conscious mind – a wounded child who needs your love, care and compassion – because on-one else can heal her pain and help her to make peace with the past.
If you are interested in reconnecting with Inner Child or developing a truly authentic relationship with self, book in for a Personal Transformation/ Yuen Session today.
Positive Balancing Thoughts
Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
– Art Linkletter –
You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.
– Jonathan Safran Foer –
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
-Ellen Burstyn –
Happy people continuously change; and because they change they become more and more happy; and then more and more change is possible.
We think more of extending life than of filling it.