Hanging Circumstances Isn’t Enough to Give Us the Happiness We Want – A guide to the Present Moment by Noah Elkrief
Changing circumstances to “perfect” isn’t enough to give us the happiness we want. Since getting what we want seems to make us happy, naturally, we are going to keep spending much of our life trying to make ourselves, our situation, and others “perfect”. But, as we may have come to realize that this strategy doesn’t really fulfill us. We tend to live life with a lot of suffering and discontent between our brief moments of happiness. When we get what we want, we only experience the present moment for a few minutes or days before our attention goes back to our other thoughts. The reason changing our circumstance to “perfect” isn’t enough to give us the overall peace and happiness we are looking for is because it just doesn’t address most of the thoughts that create our unhappiness.
— No matter how “perfect” our circumstances are, they don’t change our thoughts about “bad” events from our past that create our sadness, guilt, and anger.
— We can’t change many of the aspects of ourselves and others that we think are bad.
— We aren’t always able to achieve our ideas of “perfect”, such as our spouse, job, etc. When we don’t get what we want, our thoughts create sadness, anger, guilt or despair.
— When we manage to achieve the “perfect” circumstances we want, we often instantly begin to fear and worry about losing it.
— We can always lose any “great” circumstances that we have. When this happens, our thoughts clearly make use suffer.
— Changing circumstances can’t help to alleviate most of our anxiety.
— As long as we believe in our ideas of “perfect” circumstances, we will also believe our ideas of “imperfect” circumstances. “Perfect” doesn’t exist without “imperfect” because “perfect” isn’t “perfect” unless we have something to compare it against.
— If you have already gotten a lot of what you wanted in life, you may feel a sense of relief to understand why you aren’t fulfilled, and it may be nice to know that you are not the only one who is dissatisfied.
The promise of happiness almost always seems to be in the future. And it always will be in the future unless we start to address that our thoughts are preventing us from feeling happy. It’s time to go to the source of our unwanted emotions and directly address the thoughts hat are making us unhappy.
The 5 steps that you can take now are:
- Pick an unwanted emotion. For example, resentment, guilt towards friend or partner.
- Identify the thoughts behind your unwanted emotions. These thoughts generally appear as whatever we think caused our emotions, for example: “my husband shouldn’t have shown up late.”
- Recognize that your emotion has been created by your thoughts and not your circumstances. Question your thoughts, not your circumstances, that have created your unwanted emotion. Questions you might ask yourselfa) How do I feel when I think this thought or tell myself this story?
b) Could I or someone else be happy despite having the same factual circumstances?
c) If I didn’t know that the event had happened, would I still be suffering?
d) Am I able to be happy (have fun) when I am being entertained and distracted from my thoughts?
e) What are the facts and what are my thoughts about the facts?
- Realize that you don’t always know whether your thought is true — “She is to blame for what happened… but do I know for sure?”
- Question the validity of any reason to continue suffering. For example:
a) Do anger and sadness help me to get what I want?
b) Does worrying mean I am being helpful or does it mean I that care?
c) Can I admit that I don’t really know or that I was wrong?
d) Do I really want to keep blaming others for my suffering?
Return to Essence: How to be in the Flow and Fulfil Your Life’s purpose by Gina Lake
Paying attention to the egoic mind is a bad habit, but we can establish new habits that counteract our egoic programming and bring us into the flow. Here are some suggestions for developing habits that will bring
you into the flow and help you stay there:
1. Make a habit of doing things that return you to your to essence: meditate, play music, sing, dance, create, garden, hike. Do what you love.
2. Make a habit of reading books that remind you of who you are.
3. Make a habit of spending time with those who are committed to living in the flow.
4. Make a habit of saying “yes!” to whatever is happening. Be curious about whatever is arising. Stay alert and present to whatever is happening, without judging or evaluating it.
5. Make a habit of expressing gratitude. That will increase your ability to experience it. Gratitude is a sign that you are in Essence.
6. Make a habit of forgiving yourself when you indulge in egoic behavior. It’s not easy moving beyond the programming we were given! Being gentle and kind with yourself will drop you into Essence.
Reassurance for Life’s Journey – A Bouquet of Positives
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” — Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” — Wayne W. Dyer
“You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously.” — J. Donald Walters
“The trouble with life isn’t that there is not an answer, it’s that there are so many answers.” — Ruth Fulton Benedict
TIME FOR SELF NEWSLETTER contributed by:
Heather Young, owner of Time for Self
Registered Massage Therapist (RMT) / Yuen Method™/ Holistic Practitioner
Certified Personal Transformation Coach / Alternative and Energetic Medicines
403-358-2362 — Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
